How to Be a Juicy Crone
Prescriptions and presumptions
March 9, 2024
Hi everybody, welcome to Crone Life, my weekly newsletter/blog all about getting older, aging gracefully, and living with the consequences. A big HELLO to new readers and loyal fans alike. Crone Life has reached the mid-low three digits in subscribership. At last I can say I have many scores of readers!
Other good news: we’ve gotten through the first week of March and the sun comes out occasionally. AND I got a haircut I like for the second time in a row from the same stylist and now I’m in love.
What I read
I consumed two non-fiction books in one week and lived to tell the tale. The first was Generations by Jean M Twenge, PhD. I confess I didn’t read all of it. Most non-fiction books are written to be dipped into here and there, so they often seem repetitive if you read them straight through, as I tend to.1
I read the chapters on the Silent Generation (my parents), Boomers (me) and Gen X (also me, as I am a late Boomer and scarcely recognize some of the Boomer traits in myself). I stalled out on the Millennials, feeling like there are so many of them and they're in control now. I don’t need to know any more. I have a Millennial co-worker, a lovely person, I have enough day-to-day exposure to grasp salient characteristics. Somewhat the same for Gen Z–I have a son and nieces, all born late 90s-early 00s.
My main takeaway is that individualism can go too far. I don’t think individualism/individuality per se is a bad thing. From my Boomer perspective, letting your freak flag fly can never be a bad thing. But I can also see how letting everyone’s perspective be important can lead to a breakdown in societal cooperation. Some freakdoms don’t coexist well and prevent implementation of proposals that in the long run would probably lift all the boats. We’re seeing this in action all over this country now, say no more. The solution is learning to work together. I don’t know how to achieve it. Why haven’t all the group projects these Millennials and Gen Zs have worked on throughout their education borne better fruit? Can we blame homeschooling and “Christian” academies? I’m in favor of forcing everyone to go to public school, myself, at least through elementary. Get to know your neighbors and learn to share, kids. A diverse neighborhood elementary school will not ruin your college prospects.2
The other non-fiction book I “read” (listened to) was Crones Don’t Whine (this link goes to an author talk on YouTube), as mentioned in last week’s Crone Life missive. I got the audio book through Hoopla (there’s an ebook too, but not through my local library system) and listened while driving to my mom’s and back. The audio book is only two hours long (it must be a 30 minute read in print, a very slim volume). I liked it, but found it too much of a behavioral manual. My mom could have written it. Which is not bad, necessarily, but I think it means the 13 points of cronehood the author espouses might only work for well-educated (white) women. I’m also not certain about the “juicy crone” part. What if I want to dry up? Women should’t have to be good at parties and social facilitators and emotional social workers. But I did like that she noted that men should follow these precepts too. I also appreciated her emphasis on the importance of feminism and the woman’s movement. Don’t fall for the tradwife hype, ladies!
Some caveats: I’m not good at multitasking, so I may have missed some key points while concentrating on driving very fast along the interstate. I liked the voice of the reader a lot but was disappointed to find at the end that she wasn’t the author, so my disgruntlement may arise from that. Shouldn't all non-fiction books be read by their authors? I almost never listen to audiobooks, so maybe that’s not a factor when you get used to it. I don’t expect fiction authors to read their own books. I tried translating the titles of each section into my own language and would rename the book “Crones Don’t Dwell In or On the Past.” My main complaint is that while it tells you how the author thinks you should be your best, she doesn’t actually tell you how to get there. But I think this about most how-to/self-help books–they should just cut to the bullet points.
I’m considering reading more non-fiction. I think the next one might be Elise Loehnen’s On Our Best Behavior.
What I learned
Earlier this week I saw my rheumatologist to discuss the results of my blood tests and x-rays. I had gone to see her in January (after having waited almost a year for the appointment) because I'd had some scary incidents of intense joint pain for no apparent reason. I've had issues with chronic pain forever, but was always told it was psychosomatic, there was nothing wrong with me, I just had to chill out and calm down. So I just stopped mentioning it to anyone in the medical profession and tried alternative approaches, some of which did kind of help. But I was in a lot of pain most days, and tired, and I blamed myself for it--I didn't exercise enough, I didn't eat right, I didn't sleep right, I was incapable of being a functioning human. In other words, assumed that it was all my fault somehow. The idea that it might actually be some kind of actual condition was intriguing, but also scary.
When I talked to her on Monday, she went through the tests results with me--everything is good, except I have osteoarthritis, she's concerned about my bone density, I'm slightly anemic, my liver enzymes are a touch low and the by-products of kidney function are a little high. But I don't have an autoimmune condition. She told me she felt I have fibromyalgia. I listened to her description and skimmed a medical textbook I found in the Vassar Library and it totally fits me. The treatment is self-care and physical exercise.
To start, I'm trying to lose my negative self-talk about my physical failures. According to the text I skimmed, there is (of course) a psychological and neurogenic component to fibromyalgia. I hope that as I embark on a self-care/physical activity journey, the mental fog will clear up as well. Though my intuitive reaction to chronic pain and exhaustion is not usually "Better go for a walk!"
I also have to pay attention to my pain instead of ignoring it in favor of trying to get things done. “Just chill out” was probably good advice, but I need to know how.
Some things that happened
My least favorite uncle (my dad’s younger brother) died a little over a week ago. The 5-year-old child of a co-worker drowned in a drainage ditch the week before that. This week I heard of the unexpected tragic death of a friend’s former partner. Between these incidents, in addition to my own diagnosis (which is not TERRIBLE, I’m not saying that) and hearing of a long-time friend’s (we grew up together! I know/knew her whole family!) not very hopeful prognosis, I’m not feeling any too energetic or juicy. But I refuse to think of myself as a failure.
Thanks for reading, everybody! Let me know your thoughts in the comments. Click the little heart to let me know your feelings (love, right?). As always, share with friends and get them to subscribe.
I have the same problem with short story collections, unless they’re intended to be connected, a la A Visit From the Goon Squad. OK, ok, maybe that is a novel.
I sent my kid to public elementary school in Brooklyn, my credentials are impeccable. (Almost; it was a magnet school, but one designed not to be majority white)
As a writer of a non-fiction book, I wasn't even given the option to read my own book. As a matter of fact, I wasn't told an audio book was being made until the reader needed to know how to pronounce my name. I have it but I haven't listened to it, maybe I will eventually.
Yes! I think all non-fiction books should be read by the authors whenever possible. The exception would be if you could get Claire Dane or another actor to give a performance reading. That can totally change the experience for the listener. I am like you, too, in that if the book bogs me down, then I just read parts and call it a day. I enjoy your writing and just subscribed!