Working Through a False Consciousness

In search of community without conformity

Wow, my title and subtitle sound very serious.

Hi hi, hello, welcome everyone to this week’s edition of Crone Life, which should have been sent a week ago except I got sick and overwhelmed. The purpose behind this newsletter/blog/undefined media thing is to create an opportunity for me, a sixty-something, to figure out my life and what to do with the rest of it (beyond “stay happy, well-fed, and out of the hospital”).

I’m a good soldier

I started writing this after I’d attended a 5-morning workshop called “Supervisor Sprint.” I signed up for it because I’ve been without a supervisor for so long, I ended up supervising myself, as well as the students who work part-time for the library. Much of my approach is based on what I think of as “common sense.” It’s done the job, but I am well aware I’m making it up as I go along. I wanted to acquire some tools. I thought I might learn something specific and practical about supervising others, according to my employer. But it turned out to be a combination of making spreadsheets, writing operating plans for departments in transition, and roleplaying workplace conflicts.

What is more human than wanting to work happily with other humans? What makes it so hard? As a woman, I’ve never felt that the workplace was made for me. This is why I’ve ended up in career areas that are mostly feminine, such as working for magazines, writing about design, and becoming a librarian. Girly, but with enough professional edge to retain self respect. Formerly male-dominated enterprises which were now full of women who were paid much less. My college cohort was full of pioneering women who became lawyers and doctors, professions which are now more than fifty percent female, also paid less than their male counterparts.¹

My work history has a lot of gaps. I took off almost two decades between 2000-2017, working p/t, being a mom and volunteering in public schools. As a result, I missed a lot of the workplace changes that happened in that decade [and maybe before, I wasn’t paying attention]. I figured it was time I caught up, so I have been signing up for these management seminars at work (they used to be available only to people above a certain grade, but now they’re open to all).

I want to do well in my job, don’t get me wrong, but after a lifetime of working, on and off, I am wary of speeches about goals and teamwork. At the same time, I love collaboration and group projects and getting things done and done well. I spend the majority of my time at work, so I might as well pay attention to the scaffolding that makes it possible for everyone to do their jobs.

This series of workshops was led by the new HR director. HR at my institution has long been, let’s call it, “unevenly implemented.” The new director’s remit is to create standardized job descriptions within a framework, so everyone knows what to expect. The new person has tons of experience at various places of higher education and a full command of the rhetoric. I liked her, though I was also suspicious of her. I think HR is problematic because they use a lot of therapeutic language, but they aren’t your therapist and they are not on your side. The other thing that bothers me is that you are encouraged to develop a false consciousness about your role in the organization. You are told that everything is for your benefit, the institution is equally devoted to the entire community, but it’s not true. In reality you, as an individual, don’t matter.

Day one was getting to know each other and discussing the concept of “supervision.” It sounded very familiar from my master’s degree management class (non-profit management, specifically, taught by a heavily tattooed guy, former club bouncer, who quit his management job in the middle of the class in order to make a lateral move). Day two I missed (last session of physical therapy) but I heard it was about setting expectations and communicating needs.

Day three was conflict styles. We took a short quiz to determine our individual styles, which slotted us into one of five buckets–Pit Bull (competitive), Golden Retriever (compromising), Cobra (relational), Eagle (collaborative) and Roadrunner (avoidant).² Of course I have traits of all of them. I figured out I am an inner pit bull and aspiring eagle, but most of the time I’m a golden retriever. I want everyone to be happy. I work hard on restraining the pit bull, and I’m wondering exactly how this benefits me. Maybe that pit bull should come out.³

Day 4 was role-playing, which was actually a lot of fun. I got to practice my “pit bull”persona. I uttered the immortal line “Effort is not the same as excellence.” The facilitator warned me it was too blunt, but she also said she would like to embroider it on a pillow. In another role play, I said “we don’t need to hire another person, we need you to be here and do your job.” Also too blunt, but everyone clapped. I didn’t do any role plays where I was the supervisee, which I regret, because I probably need to practice that kind of conflict most of all.

Day 5 was about “operational needs” during transitions. We were asked to write an operational plan for our department, which was not discussed further. We did some more role playing. I got complimented by the head of cybersecurity for my explanation of how I would handle a student who wanted to do homework when they were supposed to be working. Since I’ve been supervising students for 7 years now, it was only to be expected, but it was still nice to hear.

By the end, we all felt very fond of each other, like we had shared an Experience. I was happy because I got out of work for 5 mornings in a row, but also felt discombobulated because I am almost always at my desk. It was nice to meet people from other departments. I don’t work in the main building, which is central and holds a lot of offices. The building I work in is way on the edge of campus, and nobody ever goes there except on purpose.

A highlight at the very end was that one of the attendees, an assistant program director, said she had loved seeing the different outfits I wore each day. Most of the time I feel I’m overdressed for an environment where many wear hiking boots and college hoodies, so it was gratifying to hear! I did make an effort to wear something considered and thoughtful each day, while projecting a relaxed, quasi-offsite vibe. It seemed to have worked.

Something I’ve realized from these sessions and being involved in P&P [planning and priorities, which they do every seven years], is that my institution needs to pay more attention to diversity beyond race and ethnic background. This is a community mostly of faculty and students, but also administrators and staff. While the admins probably have educational backgrounds similar to those two groups, the staff do not. Educational level varies, but I would say that at least a third of the staff didn’t finish college or only have an associate’s degree. I’m not saying they aren’t smart, but they have different needs and communication styles and institutional relationships. I don’t want to value one more than another. But if an enterprise wants to create a coherent community, you need to consider the needs of the entire community. Don’t just give the idea lip service.

I think this is very hard to do. Faculty members have expertise in one tiny area that they care a lot about. They may or may not have other skills. Admin have to deal with logistics. Staff have specific tasks. You need to find someone who can deal with the whole thing realistically, but I also think that type of person, or group of people, would be difficult to find.

I do not want to be that person. It sounds like a lot of work. At the same time, I am that person. Many of my work colleagues don’t know what to make of me. I understand Ph.D’s, I like logistics, and I am a staff member, albeit an overeducated one. I’ve made myself into someone who can play multiple roles. I used to think I needed to figure out my true self, so I could pursue that exclusively, but now I’m thinking that my true self is multi-faceted. Now I just need to figure out how to bring my whole self to my life.

Here’s your homework:

1. How do you feel about your career, so far?

2. What’s your conflict style?

3. Are you more comfortable supervising or being supervised?

4. Do you know what SWOT is?

The week in Veronica

She likes to gaze out the dirty window. Cats are visual hunters.

Veronica likes to signal when she wants to play. Yesterday I was in the basement, where she likes to hang out with my husband and his always-open window. I called her and she came running toward me, took a turn past and rushed up the stairs. I was all like OK THEN, when she came back down and squeaked at me until I followed her upstairs to the (as determined by Veronica) Play Area and we played for a while until I had to make tea and she got bored waiting. Something moving caught her attention through the smeary glass and she settled in for a good stare. That “I was too lazy to roll it up the last time I used it” yoga mat is Veronica’s yoga mat now.

Thanks for reading! Please click the little heart and leave me a comment so I know you read this.

1. I have no cite for this, it’s a gut feeling.

2. I am so sorry I couldn’t find any of this online. It’s all owls, turtles, foxes, sharks and teddy bears out there. Same thing, really.

3. I think this every time I do one of these “what’s my personality at work?”-type quizzes. Wouldn’t I be better off if I were meaner and less respectful? Or even just said what I thought? Should I stop being so nice?