Welcome to Crone Life! Shout out to my fellow Late Boomers and Late Boomer wannabes (if any). Thank you for joining me on this whirlwind trip through my post-60 sensibilities.1
I’m not that fond of emotional divas in general, but I do like Adele. Mostly in moderation though. I am listening to an “Adele Essentials” playlist and my thoughts so far are “these songs are great but they are also all the same”--as though there’s one Adele song called “Hello Someone Like You, Rolling in the Rain.” I’m most familiar with her earlier songs and this playlist seems to be more or less chronological, so maybe I’ll be persuaded along the way. I just heard one with a spoken word section and I can’t take her London accent seriously, she sounds like she should be doing stand-up. Her sung diction is perfect, though. Please don’t show this paragraph to any true Adele stans.
One of the things I read recently is this interview with Adele in The Hollywood Reporter and I loved it (hence Adele as topic of the day). I don’t even know what led me to it (after a bit of sleuthing through my closed tabs, it was this post on Tom and Lorenzo). Now I like her even more. She seems so down to earth and authentically herself. Not to mention, smart. Very forthcoming about her emotions. I have so much respect for someone who refuses to compromise her standards and isn’t afraid to be difficult.2 Also, clearly at a moment in her life where she’s happy and satisfied. No wonder she doesn’t want to go into the studio. And I love the bit where she describes cooking 60 kebabs for her son’s class:
“The kids don’t care. The kids don’t give a flying fuck who I am. …making food for school events, it’s my dream.”
And she has LA mum friends! Salt of the earth, lol.
Next up: Danny Lavery. I used to read his newsletter, The Chatner (it might have been called “The Shatner Chatner” back then), but after a while it was too intense for me. Too frenetic, almost. Also I was a bit confused by it all, since I wasn’t all that familiar with his backstory. I read his memoir, Something That May Shock and Discredit You and thought it was brilliant but also Way Too Much (for me). But I somehow came across a link to the latest post, “Free Sandwiches, Holding On, and The Best Job Interview I Had This Year” and I was utterly charmed and re-subbed. He seems to have mellowed, in a good way, but his frank openness is still there. I loved his description of looking for a day job even though he didn’t have any relevant experience,
I thought I’d make a pretty good butcher’s assistant for a few reasons: I like working in food service (especially behind a counter, where you can ritualize your interactions and test-drive the possibility of calling people “boss”), I find meat interesting, I don’t have any back problems yet, I enjoy wrapping things carefully in thick white paper, and I like working in a cold environment.
May he find another butcher shop willing to take on a newbie. Reminds me of when I got my first library job, which I didn’t have any qualifications for except knowing how to look things up. I was a little nervous, but thought, “I like research. I like computers. I like books, I like reading. I like helping people. What could go wrong?” and indeed nothing did. I am currently in the midst of a job search myself, though more constrained than Danny’s, since I want a job where I can use my library experience and degree and I need to stay near my mom. I need to make more money than I imagine a butcher’s assistant would, too, and I hate all the things Danny says he likes. Also, health insurance.
This past week, I awoke in panicked misery one morning at 5 am, because I had relived two traumatic memories in my sleep. The first one was from when I was in my mid-30s and had a freelance assignment to edit a corporation’s internal magazine. I was a second choice for the position and not feeling too sure of myself. I was paired with a designer who was 10 years younger and a recent RISD grad. She had an extremely polished surface (manicured nails, regular hair appointments and little suits) and was very opinionated. She was quite dismissive of me, even though I was nominally her boss. After a couple of weeks, though, we were working on something and she exclaimed “You are really smart! I didn’t think so at first! I told [marketing executive] I changed my mind about you!” and I died inside. This may not seem like all that traumatic a memory, but it fed right into my insecurities about not presenting as competent or intelligent and not being able to impress people who I knew for a fact were not as smart or experienced as I was. Plus I was wounded to think I was over 30 and apparently no longer cool.3 Immediately afterward I segued into a memory of when I gave my middle sister a push on a tripline and she fell off and broke her leg. I was about 8, which would make her around 5 I think. I still feel terrible.4
I woke up miserable, yes, angrily thinking “Why the fuck am I being tortured now by memories from then!?” So this article from the Times, about how traumatic memories are processed differently, has been helpful. I don’t think I suffer from PTSD, per se, I get these memories when I’m deeply unconscious and undefended, rather than experiencing them as real things blindsiding me in daily life. I usually try to deal by relaxing into them and trying to let my emotions be what they are, but sometimes I’m overwhelmed. It’s nice to know there’s a reason for it that has nothing to do with my brain being broken.
Hanif Kureishi posted another newsletter installment today and again I recommend it without reserve. This was my favorite bit, so moving in context
I am delighted to be doing something new, even at my age. This is essential for any artist, or indeed for any person.
I feel that way about new things. I’m scared, but also exhilarated. I’m not a person who wants to have new physical experiences, in the sense of bungee jumping or driving a race car or whatever, but I like learning new things and stretching my brain to accommodate new concepts. Life is a series of teachable moments (strange, I never think of myself as a hopeless optimist). I think my journey through time is also a journey towards learning to let go and let my emotions, frozen underground,5 rise into the light.
I think I must have listened to at least 367 minutes of Adele by now and I’m well into the b-sides and album tracks and ready to stop. This is the only “essential” song that stood out to me
This is Crone Life #22! Please like, share, subscribe, comment and encourage me to persevere. I appreciate your feedback!
Do I sometimes wish I’d thought of starting this in 2020 when I turned 60? Maybe. But you can’t let perfect be the enemy of good.
Though I wouldn’t want to work for or with her.
We’ll leave the question of whether I was ever actually cool for later.
For some reason, I feel very responsible for this sister’s injuries. I still remember with horror the time she got bitten by a dog, and I wasn’t even there.
We were BOTH bitten by dogs? Sheesh. Also wasn’t it a zip line? Did I read trip line? So now I shall have to give Adele a listen. Thanks for that. Glad you found a good soundtrack for your convalescence.
Love this one! I saw Adele’s speech (3 times) too. As all the comments say, Queen! I’m following (gorging) an instagram feed from her Las Vegas residency. Way too much Rolling in the Deep. And brash blond dos. I’m going to block it now because I love her too much. She is taking a break now, but will come back in January. I hope she then takes a looong break, but I’m not sure she will because she’s said she’s loving this gig, and feeling self-confident for the first time about performing. But I won’t judge her decisions. She’s an amazing human and I put her along with Mozart (and Bach) as a reason to be grateful to be alive. I never knew the trampoline story! Look, trampolines are just dangerous. She wouldn’t have broken her leg if you’d been on the ground. Someone we know had his leg broken when his older brothers tackled him in the backyard. The kind of break where your leg is in traction. His brothers are all upstanding gentle men now. But yeah, I did something to my sibs out of displaced anger (at my parents)that I still feel badly about, enough that I don’t feel comfortable posting. Though I know any friend would show me compassion. I’m not working but I started volunteering at the local library helping the events coordinator prep crafts and Xmas decor. Good to get out!