In Which I Nearly Drown In My Own Stream Of Consciousness
Water flowing underground
Welcome to Crone Life #11, my newsletter where I indulge my tendency to think aloud. Do you love the online world with a fiery passion? Did it arrive in your life at the exact moment you needed it? Did it make it easier to connect socially? Was it like having the perfect friend? Have you drifted out of long term relationships because those people don’t get your meme jokes? Are those friends disappointed in you? Perhaps it’s time to make new friends! Join an online community–what the hell, join my community! Like, share, subscribe, comment, commit!
Where I’ve been, where I’m going
One reason for starting this newsletter has been to figure out who I, now in my seventh decade, really am. To get it all in one place, so to speak. I embody a lot of contradictions. I’m not sorry, but I do think it confuses people. In Millennial-speak, I don’t have a brand. Which reminds me, Crone Life has an Instagram, @thisiscronelife. I had to try a few names before I found one that wasn’t already taken (the nerve of those people!). It’s basically the same account I’ve always had, but with a new name. Meaning, if you scroll far enough back, there will be lots of pics of kitties. Since I try to respect the privacy and agency of others, I’ve removed a lot of personal photos. If my husband and son and mother (unlikely) want to be on the internet, they can do it for themselves.
Maybe I should stop apologizing to everyone for imposing myself on them. I am slowly and repeatedly realizing that my inside doesn’t match my outside. I’ve been called “too much” or “off the beat” so many times. I think I’ve taken that appraisal far too seriously. As a younger woman, I was sure of my value, as long as I was thin enough. Since I had some intellectual insecurities and was afraid to be myself (see above), I made my physical attractiveness, rather than my brains, my whole personality. I underplayed my intelligence. My social presentation was sketchy and underdeveloped and when I didn’t know what to say, I just smiled meaningfully and made a joke. Usually about kicking someone in the balls, though phrased more discreetly.
That cutesy-mean-self protective tendency is still with me, although now it’s usually intended satirically (please keep this in mind as you read). I am also ineluctably feminine in my point of view, although perhaps not your idea of feminine.
Not the same as it ever was
MANY things have changed in the last 40 years!
Got married, settled down!
Became a mom!
Experienced loss!
Changed career direction!
Left NYC (reluctantly)!
Went from lots of cats to only one!
As a result, I’m definitely nicer and sweeter than I used to be. I’ve lost a bit of edge. I have more compassion, a quality I used to lack almost entirely.
Crone Life is growing
Thank you, everyone!
It’s Britney, Bitch
All the kids who were not busy with something else during y2k and the 00s are fervently reading Britney Spears’ memoir and chatting excitedly about the release of 1989 (Taylor’s Version). I feel severely left out, but then, I got married in 1989. I am probably the same age as Mr. & Mrs. Swift. I’m particularly interested, though, in the commentary about how badly Britney was treated in the media around that time. Most commentators seem to think it was because she was a young woman. I’m not saying that assumption isn’t correct, but I also think it was as much class-based as it was misogynistic. Britney started out as white trash (I mean this in the nicest possible way) and never jumped ship. She never pretended to be a “lady.” Her taste in clothing was terrible. But she deserves (and deserved) to be respected for herself.
Happy Halloween!
I am not and never really have been a Halloween girlie. Mostly because I’m not good at costumes. Young Woman in a Blue Wig, Sparkly Mini and Painful High Heels I Should Never Have Worn was my go-to, and as mentioned above, a non-expression of personality. Cutting a hole for my head in a cardboard box and going as the Chrysler Building is also not my vibe. Probably the best costume I ever made was for a Mardi Gras party when I was a cross between Botticelli’s Birth of Venus and La Primavera, but with darker hair. I had a lot of fun scouring the Lower East Side for appropriate drapery and artificial flowers. Sorry, I don’t have photos. But here is Botticelli’s version.
So how’s it going with you, my hundred followers? What are your feelings on Halloween costumes?
See you next week, perhaps with more of a coherent theme.
In case those subheds sounded familiar but you couldn’t figure out why
Well, that post was a hoot. Maybe it's being in the same 7th decade, but I definitely liked the list of changes. On the other hand, it was my intellect- and general good humor -that I tended to emphasize, rather than looks. My persona has always been pretty much a cloying polyanna, but definitely get the self-deprecating vibe this post gave off. However, the last halloween costume I wore was as a kid, and the only one I remember is this great zorro costume my mother made , black cape, black hat with bobble fringe on it, and a really great sword made out of an old tv antenna. How I loved that costume! Have a great week, and look forward to the next posts!
Lack of compassion?