If the Heat Doesn’t Kill You, The Humidity Will

Little o’ this, little o’ that

Welcome one and all to Crone Life, my weekly newsletter where I specialize in a blend of personal narrative, cultural critique, humor, and social commentary. Well, sometimes other things, too, like updates on all the cute things my cat does.

The daisy reproductive cycle

Starting this past week, I've been taking a few vacation days each week in an attempt to re-energize myself and to keep from being bored out of my mind at work, where very little is happening. But I haven’t done anything with my time off except take naps and read books and re-affirm my hatred for summer. It used to be fun, right? I remember it as fun. Maybe if I went to the beach? Now all I seem to do is whine about the weather. Today it really needs to rain, so the atmosphere can wring itself out like an oversaturated sponge.

There are a few things that help me to feel better–certain flavors of kombucha or seltzer, chocolate chia pudding from the New York Times, fancy potato chips, ranch dressing. Watching the extended highlights coverage of the Tour de France. But my wellbeing needs a seasonal tuneup. I wish I could go to one of those spas where they give you massages and wellness treatments and you can drink mineral water from the spring on the grounds. The closest one to where I live is probably Mohonk Mountain House. If only I could afford a sojourn there! But I checked the website and there are no bargains available.

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Thank you, thank you, thank you to those who were able to send some money to my friend Tanya. It has made a huge difference for her. She wrote a thank-you note and asked me to post it here.

Hello ALL,

I only know you all through one of my Chosen People, Joanna Wissinger, but you supported me and my family recently, and after almost 3 weeks, in part because of your gifts, we were able to obtain our residence back!

Everyone has a Life Story that affects themselves and others, but for you to take time and money out of your life to help me and mine was HUGE and it has not gone unappreciated.

We are not completely settled yet but KNOW what your contribution had a HUGE impact during this pivotal time. Know that you may think, these few dollars or that smile to a stranger may not make an impact in someone's Life but I promise you, it does and because of such LIGHT, others will pay it forward to others.

Continue to: LET THE SUNSHINE, LET THE SUNSHINE IN ...

Sincerely,

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TANYA RILEY-FLY

www.thenumethod.com

718.638.9275

I want to thank you too--Tanya is not my charity case, she is my friend, and I have learned so much from her throughout about being a good friend, a good neighbor, a good PERSON--thank you for trusting me and for pitching in for someone who needed it and deserves it.

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This past week has been one of mama drama. My mom is in her 90s and can’t live alone. We hired women from an agency to look after her and live with her and it seemed like it was working well. Lately, though, she seems upset and confused. When we first realized she was going downhill mentally, 5 years ago, my youngest sister and I agreed we would each try to visit her every other week, so no weeks would pass without her seeing one of us. That’s been difficult to keep up, for me in part because I can only get there by car and I’ve had two medical events in the past 2 years which have meant I wasn’t able to drive, or to drive long distances, and thus wasn't able to go see her. Talking to her on the phone is hard. Sometimes she’s bright and present; sometimes she thinks I’m her sister (we have the same name), though she always says she wasn’t really confused. “I know who you are!” It was just a momentary lapse.

We seem to have solved the problems for now, in the usual way: by throwing money at them. My sisters and I are so lucky that my father, who died in 2002, left a trust for my mother so we can do that without self-sacrifice. When we look at the alternatives, we agree: we are doing the best we can. Maybe we should be bringing her to live with one of us, or spend more time looking after her ourselves, but it’s not practical. Everyone agrees that letting her stay in her own home, where she’s lived since 1967 is the best thing. Old people with “age-appropriate cognitive decline” fare best if they can stay in familiar settings. Still, it’s hard. And she’s not going to get better. We don’t want to put her in a residential facility because it wouldn’t actually be any cheaper and because we think it would kill her. It’s not up to us to decide if she’s lived long enough. We are just trying to make the last few years of her life comfortable and happy.

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Veronica doesn’t love the weather either. She comes into our room and wants to sleep on the bed, but she doesn’t like it when we point the fan at the bed (in the cooler months, we just have it on for the white noise, a habit strongly entrenched from 30 years of living in New York City), so she lies on her side on the floor, as flat as she can get. She’s unhappy because I don’t get down on the floor with her to rub her chin and scratch her ears, so she usually leaves quickly. What happens after that I don’t know, but she seldom returns. Or maybe I just don’t wake up.

No photos, please!

Here’s a list of nicknames we have for her:

Vivi (for Veronica Void)

Madame Squeaks

Princess Squeaky

Squeaker (or Li’l Squeaker)

The Little Kitty

She is quite vocal about everything. You can always hear her coming. She announces her arrival with a flurry of high-pitched meows. We are always delighted to hear her.

Thanks for reading! Click the heart if you feel like it. July is almost done, which means, well, that it will be August soon. Crone Life is almost two years old! I’ll do some kind of something about that next week, or the week after. Stay tuned.