Welcome to Crone Life, a newsletter where I attempt to define my current self from the perspective of my seventh decade of life (I’m 63, you count from zero). Getting older? Come join me! Like, share, comment and subscribe!
I‘ve been thinking about what’s kept me going through my current involuntary exile from normal life. Of course I’ve also been reading the many gift guides that unavoidably appear online around this time. I always want to know what’s new, what’s next, even though I might not act on it. I feel safer that way. Nobody can spring anything on me. I know about “rizz” and who the drip king might be. The internet is a minefield but if you stay well-informed you can pick out a safe path.
The life most of us live now is about consuming, not producing. You know that, I know that, if it sounds wrong to you take another look. Who makes the most money? Think about it. Not teachers or librarians or caregivers or cat rescuers. Most of us (me included) are thinking about what we can get, not what we can give. Because we’re conditioned that way. I blame capitalism dot gif.
You feel deprived! You feel needy! I get it! You require that touch of sweetness to get you through your dreadful day. A nice little reward to compensate for the horrors you put up with on a daily basis. As a collective, humanity is having a hard time. I’m cynical enough to think that you, my beloved readers, are probably among the lucky ones. At least you (probably) have access to clean water and decent sanitation. And yet. We all suffer. It shouldn’t be a contest. Just don’t wallow in it.
But even though I’m kind of miserable with my broken bones and bruised ribs and straitened circumstances, I always have access to the treats that help keep me sane(ish). Among them, in no particular order, are
Dark chocolate
Shearling slippers
Soft warm socks
Clean underwear
Wireless bras
Gluten-free oatmeal
Unsweetened vanilla-flavored almond milk
Unsweetened vanilla-flavored almond milk yogurt
Cinnamon
Cinnamon tea
Almond butter
Fresh berries
Heattech fleece from Uniqlo
Sheet-pan chicken
Roasted vegetables
Scented candles
Streaming music sub
Wireless headphones
Basically, anything sweet, warm, soft and gluten-free. (Note how a lot of these items also appeared on my two-minute gratitude exercise). As long as I have at least some of these things, I’m OK.
I said this wasn’t a gift guide, but I’m willing to share sources․
Dark chocolate: I prefer Ghirardelli 86% or 92%, depending on what I can get. It supposedly contains the least amount of concentrated heavy metals of any of the widely available supermarket-style dark chocolate bars1. But the occasional Lindt is good too, although I think the 95% cacao tastes like dirt. Maybe my palate just isn’t subtle enough.
Shearling slippers: I have the cheaper ones from Dearfoam that look just like Uggs, mainly because I know I am going to spill tea or oatmeal or something greasy on them immediately and I don’t want to be $110 sad about it. Italic and Quince and all those places have Ugg knockoffs too.
Soft warm socks: I buy these all over, including Target. My current favorites are from Hansel from Basel, but I only go there for sales. I have not tried Bombas or whatever.
Clean underwear: You do you. Panties are personal. One tip: Soma is the new Victoria’s Secret. If you live outside the NYC area, you probably already knew this.
Wireless bras: I don’t have time or funds to do a deep dive on this. I did get a ThirdLove wireless bra on sale, suckered by the claim implicit in the phrase “I never thought I could find a wireless bra to fit my big boobs!” (this is a paraphrase, those ads don’t seem to be on Instagram any more). Nope. It is pretty comfy, though, if you’re willing to run the risk of suddenly finding one breast still in its cup while the other has sprung free and is trying to wrap itself around your neck. The Soma Embraceable Wireless Unlined Full Coverage bra is probably the best of a bad lot–it keeps everything in place and you don’t look too dumpy. If you’re willing to explore, IG has some ads to show you.
Gluten-free oatmeal: Bob’s Red Mill is probably the easiest to find. Gluten-free because I had a positive celiac panel.
Unsweetened vanilla almond milk/yogurt: Certain types of animal-dairy products upset my tummy and make my face break out. I usually buy whatever brand’s on sale.
Cinnamon: I just buy the big cheap container at the supermarket, thus running the risk that it’s not actual cinnamon, I guess.
Cinnamon tea: Harneys!
Almond butter: I buy the fresh-ground-in-the-store kind only, as part of my search for authenticity (and no added sugar).
Fresh berries: Whatever you can find. Raspberries are my fave despite the annoying little seeds.
Heattech fleece from Uniqlo: I’m sure other brands make similar items, maybe in better colors, but Uniqlo just gets me. I bought the fleece-lined trousers in every color.
Sheet pan chicken: You only have to do it once a week! Also very easy to make with only one functional hand. I like this recipe but used maple syrup instead of honey and black bean sauce for flavoring rather than chopping up garlic and onion. I’m sure it tastes fine both ways. I also made this braised chicken but with only ¼ cup of soy sauce (3 c. water) and mirin instead of white wine or sake. I omitted the sugar because the mirin is already sweetened. I didn't have any scallions or shallots so I left them out. The substitutions are based purely on what I had on hand. There are two types of people in the world, those who make recipes exactly as written and those who tweak them on the fly.
Roasted vegetables: Good for the one-handed if you have a family member do the chopping. My favorites are Brussels sprouts with lemon and olive oil and delicata squash with olive oil and salt.
Scented candles: I usually get them for $4.99 at Aldi. Sometimes nicer ones on sale or as gifts. Of course I love Diptyque (Chêne (Oak Tree) is my favorite), but the prices!
Streaming music sub: I have Apple Music, but there’s Spotify, YouTube, I don’t know if it matters. The algorithm is king. I burn a scented candle and listen to music to get myself in a writing frame of mind. I need to fill up my senses in order to focus my brain.
Wireless headphones: I have a pair from Bose I got used and a cheap (under $12!) pair of earbuds bought on Prime Day. I would recommend either. The Bose ones are an old style but basically these.
That’s the end of my list. I could maybe add a good desk lamp and a nice mug and an insulated water bottle (mine’s from Takeya). As a consumer I don’t really care about brands and am price sensitive, so keep that in mind. Every year at this time I think “I should really only shop during the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale, Amazon Prime Day, on eBay or Poshmark and in December.” I have not yet managed that type of focus and restraint.
None of these are affiliate links, just my opinions.
Are you a disciplined shopper? What are your favorite things? What gets you through the day or night?
I had to include this of course, because it’s another thing that sustains me:
I have loved this from the moment I first heard it. McCoy Tyner’s piano is sublime. Everyone is sublime.
Needless to say, despite being 10 years older (and not wanting to yet say I am in my eighth decade, although now that you've pointed that out, I am going to have trouble removing it from my consciousness), we have a lot of the same favorite things. For me the socks are Sockwell compression! Made my nurapathy bearable, and my walking possible. I get my cinnamon from a local whole foods like store although I don't know if I would know the difference from a generic, and it goes on my English muffin in AM, or my alternative oatmeal breakfast. I have found an Almond butter at local grocery store that actually keeps from separating-and is salt and sugar free (yay) now replacing the Almond butter we used to get from the health-food store. And I stream music all the time, despite having all the Jazz greats like Coltrane on vinyl and CD! (As well as rock from 1960s through Punk) Gotten so lazy, and I am afraid if I go back and listen to the vinyl I will feel like I have to make the effort to remember how to use the turntable.
Great piece- we have much in common, it seems! Agree about Third Love 😬😃